Shame

The dictionary definition of shame is "the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonourable, improper, or ridiculous done by oneself or another."

But shame extends far beyond that definition. It is an adhesive emotion that clings persistently, leaving marks when removed. It influences our decision-making and whispers destructive messages about our worthlessness and unlovability.

For me, this shame centred on pornography.

Breaking the Cycle

Breaking shame's cycle requires speaking about our struggles openly. Though difficult, this transparency provides freedom — and helps others who are facing similar battles feel less alone.

I had viewed pornography for years. It damaged my self-esteem and body image. Early exposure distorted my beliefs about sexuality and relationships, causing long-term emotional harm.

Three years ago, reading *Surrender to God* by Kay Warren proved transformative — I discovered I was not alone in this struggle. A year later, attending a conference on pornography and sex addiction sparked clarity about specialising in this area of counselling. I completed a diploma in sex addiction counselling in January 2017.

What Helped Me

• Discussing my feelings openly
• Releasing guilt about past behaviour
• Identifying my triggers and temptations
• Lifestyle changes: exercise, nutrition, hobbies, and healthy relationships
• Professional counselling
• Spiritual growth
• Reading about addiction and recovery

I share this not to shock, but to say: whatever your shame, you are not alone. Shame thrives in silence. Bringing it into the light — with a trusted person, a counsellor, or a support group — is the beginning of healing.